My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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