I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
