The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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