I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
