I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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