True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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