Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
