well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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