It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
