Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
