He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
