my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
