next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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