How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
