I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
