She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
