I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
