I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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