just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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