Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
