My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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