I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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