so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
