At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
