a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
