God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
