Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
