i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
