Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
