I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
