if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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