I'll bet she douches with gravy.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
