I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
