i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
