Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
