Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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