Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
