Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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