So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
