the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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