i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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