That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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