my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
