Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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