I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
