i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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