i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
