And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
