I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My Higher Power is John Stamos
im six kinds of drunk right now
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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