There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
